Obituary for Joyce Midori Ikeda

Joyce Midori Ikeda passed away at home surrounded by family on May 2o, 2010.

Shortly after her birth in Gilroy, CA on October 17, 1941, she was relocated with her family to Tule Lake Relocation Center. The family stayed there until they were allowed to move to Grand Junction, Colorado in 1944. After three years, they returned to the family home in Gilroy where she graduated from Gilroy High School in 1959.

Joyce graduated from San Jose Nursing School with a registered nursing degree. Natividad Medical Center was blessed with her skills until she retired in 1998 as a House Supervisor.

She started her "second" career as a grandmother where she looked forward to the grandchildren's visits and savored time babysitting.

With her boundless energy and loving compassion, she cared for family, extended family, friends and Temple, always with a smile. Even during her numerous hospital stays at Stanford, she was concerned about family and friends.

She is survived by her husband of 47 years Don; children, Dean Ikeda of Salinas, Sheri (Jeffrey) Minamide of Fremont, Gary Ikeda of Sunnyvale, Dave (Shizuka) Ikeda of Alameda; grandchildren Jordan, Neil, Sage and Kylie; mother Toshiko Yamane of Fremont; sister Irene Yamane of Fremont; sister-in-law Atsuko (Jack) Obata of Gilroy, brother-in-laws, Kunio Ikeda, Sam (Yoshiko) Ikeda both of Salinas.

A memorial service will be held on June 5, 2010 at 2 P.M. at the Buddhist Temple of Salinas, 14 California Street.

Memorial Date

We will be respecting Mom's wishes by having a Memorial Service...she will be cremated and interred at Yamato Cemetery in Salinas.Mom's Memorial Service will be held on:

Saturday, June 5, 2010
at 2 p.m.

Buddhist Temple of Salinas
14 California Street
Salinas CA 93901
(831) 424-4105

With Heavy Hearts...

I am so sorry to make this post...although I knew I would eventually.

Mom passed peacefully about 7:15 tonight. We are waiting for the Hospice nurse to come and make the formal pronouncement, but, she is gone.

Thank you for following Mom's blog....when we know details for her Memorial, I will post the information.

Namu Amida Butsu....

She is a Princess

People enjoyed seeing Mom's nursing photo, so I thought I would post her wedding portrait.
Someone said that when they were little, they lived by the church. On the day of Mom and Dad's wedding, they were looking out of the window and they thought she looked like a princess.

I agree with them...wasn't she pretty?

Nursing Photo

Auntie Irene was "snoping" around the house, (She just whined that she "always gets into trouble"...well, when your middle name is "Trouble" what do you expect???), she came across a lot of family photos. As, I was scanning in those photos, I thought it would be nice to post Mom's nursing photo...

Doesn't she look young? and happy?

Have you heard of "The Dash"?

I have been sitting up with Mom for about 2 hours. She is breathing a little heavy, but we have her propped on her side to make it easier. Gary left out his laptop, so, I was doing some "googling"...

Have you heard of "The Dash" song? (Click on the link)

My husband played the song at his father's memorial about 3 years ago. The song was originally a poem...but, it was set to music on this website. It is beautiful.

It tells about a man reading a Eulogy at a friend's memorial. He read the dates of her birth and death...but, the most important part was the "dash" that separated the dates.

The poem/song goes on to explain, that the most important part of a person's life, is how they "live their dash". It doesn't matter how much money a person makes, or what car they drive...what matters is how they "live"...

Mom's dash is huge...she lived her life giving to so many people. Not just the family, but, the community, the temple and her friends. She was always there to provide an extra hand, sometimes at the jeopardy of herself. So many people have told me how much they appreciate her generosity and kindness. We are so happy that you have all had a chance to be Mom's friend...I know she cared deeply for many of you and was there when you needed her. One of her fears when we were talking about a liver transplant was that she wouldn't be able to "re-pay" people for their kindness...she said "I can never repay everyone for their support"....I told her that she paid it forward...we were "re-paying" her for her support.

Mom was a truly remarkable woman...I can only hope to live to her standards...although, I don't know if I have the energy to do the things she does...she makes "Superwoman" or "SuperMom" look like "I Love Lucy".

Monday,

The Hospice Nurse came by today and checked Mom out. She is hanging in there and she was able to suggest additional medications to help keep Mom in comfort.

Dean's facilitator, John, came by today with the other guys to talk to Dean. They had a nice long walk and Dean came back a new person. Even this morning, Dean was having angry fits, but even after 6 hours, he is calm....John, you work miracles!!! My other brother Dave wants to know if you will move in...

The rest of us are coping, Dave is cooking, Gary is cleaning and I made some cookies. Even Grandma took a walk on the farm (she "gave into me" and took her wheeled walker, not her cane. But, Auntie Irene still "tailed" her since she insisted that she wanted to be alone. At 94, she can do whatever she wants...as long as we can watch her....)

Dad is being strong. He has started to make some decisions, and I am just letting him dictate, what/when we talk...so, things are going okay.

Dave said tell everyone we love the support....I told him I write that every time....but, thank you for the food, hugs, messages, email, cards (I read Mom her cards), calls etc...we are all truly blessed.

All About Dean

Just a quick post. Mom is hanging in there. We are starting to give her some medication for anxiety to keep her more comfortable.

This post is about Dean. Everyone has been especially concerned about Dean. "How is he doing?" "How much does he understand?"

I think Dean understands the concept of death...but, does not fully understand what will happen after Mom passes.

We have been raised as Jodo Shinshu Buddhists. We "pray" by placing our hands together and bowing our heads...Dean went up to Mom and placed his hands in gassho, reciting the Nembutsu. Then, he made the sign of the cross and said "Go in Peace"...um, I don't know where he got that, but, he picked it up from somewhere and I don't know if he knows where he is telling Mom to "go"...but, he is covering all bases.

Another Dean incident, "one of my brothers" (who wants to remain nameless), came into my room where I was folding laundry..."Are you okay?"...I responded "yes"...then he said it two more times, and I responded "yes" ..then he said "I'm not"...so, I gave him a hug. During the hug, Dean walks in...."Group Hug" we announce...then we ask Dean "Are you okay?" Dean's response: "(Auntie) Irene called me Mugface". Later in the day I was trying to take a nap, and I just kept hearing "You called me Mugface"..."No, I called you Alligator Lips"..."No Mugface, Penguin"...I didn't get my nap.

Saturday....at home

Things went fairly smoothly last night. Gary and I took care of Mom until about midnight or so. Dave took over about 1 am and I went to sleep. Gary and Auntie Irene took over in the early morning...I think I got the most sleep....shhh...don't tell the boys...I think they are too tired to figure that out....

Mom seems more "alert" today, although she is not speaking. She has turned her head towards us when we speak to her, and she had more episodes of being awake. The Hospice nurse still says that we should not give her food, water or even ice chips for fear that she may choke.

Today was filled with visitations from the Hospice people to bath and check up on Mom. We all got a little more training and we are doing okay. It does make me wonder if I should have had more kids....I don't know how we could do it with less than 3+ people.

Uncles Kunio and Sam both visited with Mom again today. Cousins Teri (she spent a lot of time with us today...thank you so much...I really need you during this time), Alan and Kevin also spent time with Mom and us.

To our wonderful friends and family that is providing all of the food and support...thank you so much...there are so many people to thank, I am keeping it broad...I don't want to accidentally leave someone out.

All in all...we are hanging in there.

Transport went well

The Transport from Stanford to Salinas went well...Luckily, everyone was able to find my parents' house...if you have every been to my parents' house you would understand why it is a challenge.

Mom did not have any pain during the transport, and didn't even grimace when she was transferred to the bed. Her eyes did open a few times, and I think she knows that she is home.

The Hospice Social Worker and Nurse were here to process paperwork and help orient us to Mom's care. On a nice note, The Social Worker, Marian Carapezza, used to work at Natividad Hospital when Mom was there. She remembers her and it felt good to know that "friendly hands" were here to help.

The bed was delivered, two hours early....thank goodness that Tony, he works for my Dad, was around to open the house. Since he helped Jeff move some furniture, he knew where the bed was suppose to be set up. He has truly been a lifesaver during Mom's hospital visits...he took precious care of the dogs, cat and fish....esp. Ginger...Mom's baby (Pomeranian). Gary noticed that on the paperwork for the bed delivery, Tony signed his name, and under relationship, he wrote "amigos". Too cute...

Many thanks to my BIL Douglas for supplying us with some supplies, Mr & Mrs Sakasegawa for the yummy wonton soup and to Connie for the delicious brownies.

Last morning at Stanford....

Dave spent last night with Mom. She had a relatively peaceful night, although her breathing is labored. (I don't know if it is considered "labored" in medical terms...but, she is taking heavy breaths....remember, Mom was the retired nurse...I was in the software industry...)

Dave said that Mom did not wake up during the night when they changed her. Although she is breathing heavy, I think she is at peace. That is the all that we can hope/wish for.

I was pleasantly shocked when I got home last night. Mom received a ton of mail...Dave and I just finished reading all of the cards and letters to her. Too tell you the truth, it did make me a little curious regarding one of the letters...Mrs. Sak...we need to talk....hee hee...I did laugh when Mrs. Sak sent greetings from her "alstromeria" (flowers)...Mom really loved those flowers.

We truly do not know how "long" Mom has...but, I think it will be sooner than later. It's hard to "write" that...but, I just keep telling myself "this is what Mom wants...we need to be strong for her..."

Thank you.

Going Home on Friday

Visitors: At this time we would like to honor Mom's privacy. Please no visitors....thank you for your understanding.

All of the arrangements have been made for Mom to go home tomorrow. She will be leaving Stanford via transport around 11:30-noon and heading to Salinas. Hospice has arranged for a hospital bed to be delivered around 1 pm. Dave will be riding in the transport with Mom. Gary and Dad (with Dean) will follow. I will be driving down to Salinas as soon as the boys get off to school to meet the bed delivery people.

I think we have everything set for her...but, I guess we will find out later. (Hmm...maybe I should write a project plan for this....)

Mom has always valued her privacy....it has been a hard decision for us...but, I truly believe that Mom would want you to remember her as that "busy lady walking quickly to and fro". We feel your support and love and Mom is so lucky to have been friends with all of you....

Thank you....please help us grant Mom the beautiful transition that she has always wanted.

Going Home Soon...

Visitors: Family only. After we get settled, we will speak to Dad regarding visitors...

Today, the Palliative Care Team came in to check on Mom. They have started her pain management to establish a baseline before taking her home.

Mom slept in the am...but, was awake enough to eat when prodded by our cousin MaryAnn "Joyce, if you eat more you can go home" she opened her mouth wide and ate some applesauce, frozen yogurt and she is on her second Popsicle.

Unfortunately, she is not able to swallow the watermelon, even though I cut it up to less than a 1/4 inch. I didn't even attempt the mabu tofu.

Mom has expressed wishes to go home. We are working with the case worker to arrange for hospice. Jeff and my boys are driving down to Salinas after-school to move furniture out of the house. He has a big task ahead of him, because Mom's orchids are also in the breezeway, and he can't harm the orchids.

Mom will hopefully leave Stanford sometime tomorrow or the day after. This will allow her to travel during the day via ambulance, they will give her a bollis (sp?) before she leaves with more painkillers to make the trip easier. They will also have orders to provide more comfort on the way.

Just a short note...

I know...I should be asleep right now...but, I wanted to give everyone an update.

Mom seems more peaceful now that the NG tube has been removed. Since we are in a private room, Gary is staying with her tonight. Dad and the LA cousins will relieve him tomorrow am. She no longer has any food restrictions, so Gary is picking up tofu for her tomorrow for her dinner and I just made some Mabu Tofu and I picked up some miso soup packets and watermelon. Hopefully, she will eat a little.

We took the LA cousins to Buca di Beppo for dinner. I think Dad was able to relax a little...or, maybe it was the wine the Canadians had waiting for me at K&L Wine Merchant. (K&L is the Best!!!) Either way, I hope Dad sleeps well tonight.

The Social Worker from the Liver Team came to talk with us today. She spent a lot of time chatting with Dad...I don't know about what, but they were both laughing...Stanford Medical has a wonderful support staff...I don't know what we would do without them.

Speaking of the Stanford Staff...before I left tonight, the charge nurse stopped me and said that she has told the doctors that she will not move Mom to an unmonitored bed in another Unit. She wants to keep Mom in the private room in her unit. Mary is great, she said that Mom and the family is used to the current staff, and it would be cruel to move her at this point. She is going to fight to not move Mom until she is "discharged" to go home etc. That was very nice of her and we appreciate all of her caring.

On a personal note: Thank you so much to Andi, Michelle and Jeff's Mom for watching the boys, taking them to swimming and bringing them back to the house. You are wonderful and I really appreciate your help. Love you all!

Palliative Care & Long Term Care Insurance

Visitors: At this time, family members are visiting from SoCal and nearby. We do not want to tire Mom out too much. Thank you for your understanding at this time. Mom is a proud person, and never wanted anyone to see her sick...so, thank you for your thoughts and prayers...

Mom had a bad morning. She still has the NG tube that is providing her nutrition, but, she threw up this am. They wanted to put another tube down her nose temporarily to "suction" out when needed...but, Mom refused.

The Palliative Care team met with us this morning. They are reviewing Mom's medications and will be stopping any meds that do not contribute to "comfort" and providing the meds to enhance comfort. We have moved Mom to a private room and have removed her NG tube. Since she is now in a private room, Dave is able to bring his two children (ages 4 and 1) to visit for a short time. My kids are older (11 and 9) and I was able to sneak them in earlier.

Palliative care (pronounced pal-lee-uh-tiv) is the medical specialty focused on relief of the pain, stress and other debilitating symptoms of serious illness. Here is a website that goes into more details on Palliative Care. Click here: Palliative Care

We are now weighing the options of bringing Mom home with hospice assistance...or going to a extended care facility with hospice. Mom started saying today that she wants to go home.
(Connie, did you work at Hospice after the hospital? Do you have any "connections"? Would Mom know any of the Hospice caregivers? After all those years @ the hospital...you think we should be able to have some "influence"....)

Long Term Care Insurance - okay...now for those of you who have Long Term Care Insurance....please call the Customer Service phone number and find out if you need to have a "3rd party authorization" on file in order for your kids to obtain information about your policy.

I am jumping through some hoops to find out what coverage Mom has...they won't even tell me that. Then of course, I spoke to a CS person who does not know what he is talking about and I thought I needed a Power of Attorney that was filed with the courts....the saga is ongoing...but, I will call tomorrow to see if the Durable Power of Attorney for Healthcare that we faxed to them is sufficient. Once that is cleared up, I can have Dad fill out the 3rd party authorization, that has to be sent to the house in Salinas, then MAYBE I can talk to someone regarding coverage. (No worries Mr. Schwefel...I will let you know if I need any additional information)

Really tired....

Visitors: We are allowing Family to visit. There are so many family members who would like to visit with her, we need to limit visitors. Thank you for your concern and caring thoughts, we appreciate your prayers for Mom.

Today, Mom's mental state is not that good. She did participate when the Speech Therapist came to work with her, but, she does not want to eat very much food orally. The doctors have increased her "liquid" diet, but she is not eating on her own.

Could it be my cooking? I brought some Cha-zuke (sp?) rice, ume and green tea...not my favorite, but, Mom used to like it...and she had maybe 3 bites...Gary and Dean left to go to the Japanese store to buy some oyako donburi...maybe Mom will eat a little of the egg and rice.

Her favorite (albeit "only") nephew, Alan, is here to visit. Her Kawanami aunties also came to the hospital to visit. They were happy to see her eat a little...but, she still isn't eating enough.

Alan helped me cut up and feed Mom some udon that Dean and Gary bought. She ate about 4-5 spoonfuls...it's a start.

Dean still is clingy, but not as bad as yesterday. The visitors seem to help him a little...today, he was rubbing Mom's legs with powder....

Flowers everywhere!!!

(Sorry....when I got home, there was no power...so, I couldn't publish yesterday's post...so, you might get TWO posts today)

Visitors: Mom does not want to receive any visitors (except family). Thank you for your well wishes and cards....we read the Blog comments and cards to her as we receive them.

Happy Mother's Day (belated...sorry, yesterday we were a little "distracted"). Mom has a counter full of flowers...from her wonderful children of course. This morning she was really tired and slept a lot. She had a little trouble using a straw, but was able to eat some of the fruit cocktail that came with her lunch.

The primary team came in today, and said that Mom is off of the transplant list per her wishes. The focus now will be to keep her comfortable. She still has the NG tube in, and is receiving her "liquid diet". She said that she is not experiencing any pain.

Today, Mom's cousin came to visit. She brought pictures of her daughter's wedding, and Mom was able to recognize Miyo's brothers and mother in the picture. (BTW: Roxann, you were beautiful!)

Dad is coping the best he can. Gary and I don't think that he fully understands, or maybe does NOT want to understand, what is happening. We talked to him after the primary team left and I think he is beginning to accept...but, not ready to "let go".

Dean does NOT want to leave Mom's bedside...not even to eat...and if you know Dean, you know this is BIG! He keeps telling her to eat.

The rest of us are trying to deal with "stuff"...making sure Dad eats, rescheduling appointments, insurance, social worker stuff...just stuff....

Post from Irene (Joyce's sister)

Dear Visitors: She is not ready to accept visitors at this time.

Today Joyce is resting very well. She is more cognitively "with it" and is stronger when speaking.

This morning Sheri was reading the blog posts to her and it brought a smile to her face.
Joyce really appreciates all your loving concern and kindness.

Last night Joyce had a very tough evening. Her heart rate went up to 190 at 1 AM. Jeff (Sheri's husband) drove Don, Dean and family back to Stanford...they left Salinas by 2 and made it to Stanford by 3ish...

Around 5 AM her heart paused for a few seconds and then restarted on it's own.

Throughout Saturday she requested a "no code" - do not resuscitate, not wanting to be sustained the rest of her lifetime on a life support systems. Throughout her multiple stays during this year, she has gone back and forth on her decision for a transplant.

During the late morning Joyce told the Doctor and family that she wants to die naturally. Joyce has decided to not have the transplant and to not be resuscitated in the event of cardiac arrest.

The doctor explained how important it is understand it is her decision and to honor her wishes. This is the hardest thing for the family to accept, but we want to follow her wishes. She has led her life being an unselfish and caring daughter, sister, wife, aunt, (Grand)-mother and friend, the one thing that we owe her, is to follow what she wants and to provide as much comfort as we can give her.

She has such wonderful family and friends, I know Sheri has stated in previous posts that we appreciate your support....but, we can never tell you how much you all mean to us....thank you!

Love, Irene (Joyce's sister)
(with extensive edits by Sheri...."I chickened out writing this post, but I had to get my 2-cents in (it's my blog afterall)...okay, it's more like 25-cents...")

Cards and Letters?

Hi! Someone asked me about where to send cards and letters. We have received the cards and letters that were sent directly to the hospital...much to our surprise. But, I would hate any cards to get lost.

Please send them to my house. I go to the hospital daily and I'll be the "mail courier" (Is that a P.C. term?) and when she is released from the hospital, I'll make sure the letters get to Salinas.

Here is my address:

Joyce Ikeda
c/o Sheri Minamide
34472 Bridgewater Place
Fremont, CA 94555-2304

Thanks in advance for your cards and letters.

Sheri

Sitting up and talking ... a little.

Visitors: Not at this time....just seeing family

Where she is at: Stanford Hospital

Wow! It was a pleasant surprise...but, yesterday afternoon, Mom actually sat up and she said a few words. I was shocked and relieved when Gary called to inform me of the great news.

She still does not want to see visitors, but, we let Teri and her daughter Lauren (Dad's nieces), visit. Lauren just got engaged and Mom got her an engagement present. (My attempt in getting Mom excited about a future event "to live for").

I got to the hospital minutes before Teri and Lauren and was able to show Mom the Precious Moments figurine and wrap it. I told Mom that she needed to tell Lauren it was for her....and she did. She always seems to smile when we talk about the wedding. If you want to see the figurine...click here: Magically Ever After

This morning is a different story...Mom is depressed again and does not want to go through with the transplant. She has gone back and forth about this decision. Mr. Kogura, from Nikaku in San Jose Japantown, and Mom had a nice visit last week. Mr. Kogura had one of the first liver transplants @ UCSF. I thought for sure Mom would go through with it after talking to him, but I think this last episode has depressed her.

Hopefully, she will change her mind again...the only problem is that the doctors see her indecision as not being dedicated to the transplant. She may jeopardize her listing. (The doctors may put her on "hold" or remove her entirely).

This weekend, my family brought Dad and Dean home to Salinas. We need to run errands and take care of some "farm business". Gary and Dave are staying with Mom @ Stanford. We'll bring Dad back to Stanford/Sunnyvale on Sunday.

Thank you for all of your comments and support...the family greatly appreciates your support.

Introduction and background

Visitors: We appreciate your thoughts, but, Mom would rather not see anyone right now.

Where is she: At Stanford in the Intermediate Care Unit.

Hello everyone! Gary and I decided that we would start a Blog...to let everyone know Mom's status.

Just a little background...

A few years ago, Mom was diagosed with NASH, Nonalcoholic steatohepatitis. Per http://digestive.niddk.nih.gov/ddiseases/pubs/nash/:

"It resembles alcoholic liver disease, but occurs in people who drink little or no alcohol. The major feature in NASH is fat in the liver, along with inflammation and damage. Most people with NASH feel well and are not aware that they have a liver problem. Nevertheless, NASH can be severe and can lead to cirrhosis, in which the liver is permanently damaged and scarred and no longer able to work properly."

She had been stable for during until around Thanksgiving...which she started to retain "extravascular fluid" and we discovered that her liver tumors were growing.

In January, she was admitted into Stanford for Interventional Radiology, they went through an artery in her groin to administer chemotherapy directly into the liver tumors. A procedure that is usually an outpatient procedure. Due to reactions to the contrast dye/chemo and other complications, she spent a total of about 3 weeks going in/out of Stanford.

The upside to our January stay, was that Mom was able to undergo all of the tests needed to be listed for a Liver Transplant.

She finally made it home and was doing well...mobile and eating...then we were notified that although one of the tumors were "killed" the second tumor is still "alive" and she needed to redo the Interventional Radiology.

The second procedure was scheduled for April 7th...this resulted in a 3 week stay. She was finally released on April 30th, but then readmitted on May 4th because Gary was unable to wake her. She was cognitively "out of it" and unable to follow instructions.

CURRENT STATUS: Mom is looking at us now, but still unable to speak. Due to her ever-worsening liver, she is on high doses of lactulose, a diuretic. Since they are concerned that she may not be able to swallow, they are administering her lactulose and "food" (for lack of a better word) via a nasal-gastric tube.

Many people have been worried about the family....While Mom is at Stanford, Dad and Dean are staying with Gary in Sunnyvale. Dad is doing ok....albeit getting very tired. During this stay, Mom is in a highly monitored bed, which allows us to go home and rest. (When she was dis-oriented in prior stays, Gary, Dave and Auntie Irene stayed overnight...I "lucked out" and was able to go home because of the boys/Jeff school/work schedule).

Dean has had a tough time this go-around...he gets territorial of "his" chair in the waiting room...and at times is hard to reason with....Auntie Irene is great with him, taking him out for walks and etc.

Dad is now ranked 2nd to his arch-rival, Jessica on his iTouch Gin Rummy game. (A birthday present that at times is a savior and an annoyance).

Dave and family come down as often as his work and family schedules allow...this is difficult since he works in SF and they have one car.

Gary gets the short-end of the deal, but due to a downsizing @ HP, he is able to spend more time with Mom, Dad and Dean....I think he needs a massage....or just a nap. (BTW: Mom took his situation well. I think she realizes this alleviates a lot of stress on his part)

I have been going to the hospital after the boys leave for school, and try to get home before they get out. Luckily, we are within walking distance of school, so they don't have to wait for me to pick them up. Some days, Jeff is able to leave work early to allow me to stay at the hospital longer.

Auntie Irene has been coming to the hospital daily. Her assignment is to "take care of Dean"...a tough job that no one else is able to do....

Grandma just celebrated her 94th birthday. She continues in her day program and visits when she can.

I can not express our gratitude for the phone calls and visits. Mom has touched so many people's lives, we are eternally grateful for your support and kindness.